Why I Don’t Ask About Sig Others

So I ran into a guy friend at a cookout. Cookouts are a crapshoot because you tend to run into people you may not have seen for a while. I, more than anyone else, know that so much life can happen to you in a matter of months. So events like these tend to be a bit awkward because you’re constantly being put in the hot seat, especially if you’re attached in any way. If folks know you’re in a relationship and that person isn’t with you at that moment, you’re consistently being asked where they are and how they’re doing. What makes these interactions off-putting is that most folks don’t know how to read the room when peppering folks with these questions. That’s why I stopped asking “how’s so and so?” when I don’t see the significant other. So much goes on in a few months. I know for some, 4-6 months doesn’t seem like a long time but it feels like a lifetime when you’re dealing with relationships, especially unmarried folks.

In this case, I’ll call this guy friend “Roger”. This is the third time I’ve seen him in the last 6 months. Previously, when I would run into him, he’d be joined at the hip to his girl. This time around, I didn’t see her (the host is mutual friends with both parties). I wanted to ask about her, but was hesitant to because I don’t know what their status is currently and I didn’t want to put him in the uncomfortable position to have to explain why she’s not there. It could be nothing, right? Roger and I start talking about our travels and Summer plans. He proceeds to tell me that he’s planning some solo trips, with a strong emphasis on “solo”. I have known him to travel with his new girlfriend, so the fact she wasn’t mentioned…interesting. Their story was an interesting one. They met each other during the pandemic. I remember distinctly hearing about their story because most people I knew who were coupled up were going through it at that time. Some of those relationships didn’t make it out of 2020/2021. Many relationships were tested. Those who made it through barely made it unscathed. So to hear about this new budding relationship gave me hope that I too could find my person during that dreary time.

Fast forward three years later, Roger and his girl seemed to be going strong (not without the occasional rumor here and there) but if they are okay with each other, who am I to judge or care? The reason why I don’t ask when I don’t see the other person is I know how it feels to have egg on your face when a relationship doesn’t work out, and you’re having to explain their absence for what seems like an eternity. You may have even moved on and healed and yet everyone else wants to keep you in a perpetual state. I know what it’s like to build a relationship with someone long-term, to the point where you merge lives, you share friends, your families are involved with each other, etc. Then the relationship comes to a screeching halt, not leaving you enough time to get your bearings. Not enough time to iron things out or to plan what life will look like without said person. Meanwhile, life goes on. Most people don’t have a clue what’s going on with you. So when you are met with that uncomfortable question at an event, you’re left with the uncomfortable task of having to explain away why they’re not there. I don’t want to put anyone through that so that’s why I don’t ask anymore. Instead, I wait for the information to be offered up.

I know what it feels like to be asked that dreadful question “where’s so and so?” It stops you in your tracks, leaving you to dig deep inside to find a reason good enough to satiate the appetite of everyones curiosity. You’re not doing it for you, you’re doing it to appease others. I remember there was a point where I dreaded going to events, especially events or places where I knew I would either be asked about an ex or would be given a message to pass on to him. The worst place this happened to me was at a friend’s father’s funeral. Her husband met my ex ONE time and felt the need to ask about him. When I told him we had broken up a while ago, he seemed so disappointed and asked what happened. I chuckled to myself because I distinctly remember my ex meeting him and later that evening telling me that he thought the guy was a fuddy duddy. I remember there was a point where right after our break up, my ex told me that his father asked for me at an event we had initially planned on going to together. Instead of telling his father the truth, he told his father that I wasn’t feeling well (we had been broken up for a few months at that point). This irked me. The fact that he took the cowardly way out. It shouldn’t matter what lies he tells his peeps about why I’m not around but to tell his father, someone I had a rapport with, a lie about why I wasn’t around hurt deeply. Made me wonder what other lies he told to keep from taking accountability.

So yeah, I stopped asking people about their significant others (except for when I know them personally and I’m up to date on their status). Not because I don’t care, just don’t want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position to have to explain away the absence.  Maybe one day Roger will work up the courage to explain what happened to “so-and-so”. I ran into another friend before bumping into him, and she asked me if I’ve seen Roger‘s girlfriend and whether they were still together. I thought she would’ve learned her lesson considering this happened at another get-together we were at, with a different guy friend (who’s girl was also visibly absent), who basically told her to mind her business. I’m all for minding no one else’s business but my own.

"Sorry Mrs. Jackson"...

So I finally sat through both parts of Da’Naia Jackson’s interview with the host of the Dear Future Wifey Podcast. Whew Chile, I have so many thoughts to share. Not going to do a deep dive just yet since I’m typing this when I should be getting ready to head out to a cookout that is an hour away and it already started. Plus I can’t sit still since one of my neighbors is blasting Soca/bashment music. I wish I was heading to their fete instead.

Anywho, I thought I’d at least share the links to the interview so you can check it out. I must warn you, it is extremely triggering. Sadly, I know many will find it relatable, especially those of us who grew up in the church and/or had a strained family dynamic that sent us out looking for love and validation in all the wrong places. I know a lot of women are going to see a little bit or a lot a bit of themselves in Da’Naia.

Part 1: Da'Naia Jackson Interview, Part 1

Part 2: Da'Naia Jackson Interview, Part 2

I’ll be back with a full breakdown and my thoughts later…

Back at it...

I’ve been striving to stay consistent with my writing but life has been life-ing, yet again. Seems to be a common theme these days. I thought after putting certain milestones behind me, I would have the time and energy to pour into all of my passions (which also include learning to play guitar and how to sew so I can repair/tailor my own clothing to my liking). That hasn’t been the case this past year. So much has happened. I’ve been waiting for the motivation and inspiration to get back in the saddle but have recently realized that there’s never going to be a right time. I just have to write…

Maybe one of these days I’ll go into more detail about what this past year has been like. For now, I’m feeling the urge to keep my focus in this post more singular: dating in my forties.

Depending on who you talk to, this can be a taboo subject. Mainly because it involves being vulnerable and open about the setbacks we all experience on our dating journeys. Most of my friends are either in their early to mid-forties to mid-fifties, all trying to navigate this rough terrain also known as dating with baggage. Let’s face it, we all have it and carry it both willingly and unconsciously into every relationship we explore. I’m an advocate for taking time for yourself to heal after every breakup. This can include lots of therapy, spending time alone to figure out where things went wrong/pouring into yourself, throwing yourself deep into work, finding hobbies, joining social groups, hanging out with friends and getting up underneath someone else (definitely don’t recommend but a guy I used to date said this worked for him smh).

I’ve been meeting a lot of divorcees. I often joke that most of my friends who married in their twenties are all now divorced. This is one of the reasons I’m still waiting. I only want to get married once. Not that it guarantees a successful marriage but I’m a firm believer that you need to know and fall in love with yourself before joining forces with another. You need to live more life, make mistakes, self correct and mature some more. I used to think marriage was a cake walk but the consensus is that it’s a lot of work and not for the faint of heart. Several years ago, when I was in a relationship that I thought would lead to marriage, a friend asked me “what makes you so sure that you are ready and have found the one?” I told her that it wasn’t so much about finding “the one” (I was on a kick for the longest to find my soulmate in my twenties). To me, it meant waking up everyday and recommitting myself to someone and choosing to do the work necessary to sustain our relationship. It wasn’t that he was special (we’re all special in God’s eyes), it was that I saw a foundation we could build on and grow it into something real and long lasting.

Now back to these gaggle of divorcees I’ve been running into this past year. I’ve never been opposed to dating anyone that was once married. Especially for my age demographic, folks have lived a lot of life, so I don’t think it’s fair to hold that against them. I do realize how important it is for someone who’s been married to take some time for themselves before jumping back into the dating scene. Not sure how much time it takes to truly heal from ending a marriage and I’m sure it’s all relative. Honestly, I wish there was a formula (i.e., if said individuals were married for 2 years, then it would take 6 months to heal/do their inner work before they’d be ready to move on). Like a buzzer on an oven sounding when the food is ready, with a 5 minute cooling period, signaling to us hopeful blokes that we may now approach without fear of getting burnt. That would be lovely, wouldn’t it? Even better, holding one of those digital thermometers up to someone’s head, with their temperature signaling whether they are ready or not. It would never be that easy.

Here’s what tends to happen. I come across the divorced guy and he’s waxing poetic about how he’s so ready for a long-term relationship and to be married again. He usually says he’s done all of his “inner work” (did Iyanla coin this term, hmph), learned lots of lessons, took time to heal and is now ready to find their person. When I ask them how they know they’re ready to move on to a serious relationship, I usually get along the lines of “I got it wrong the first time and now know what to do to get it right”, yada yada yada. Instead, the trend seems to be that they get with the next woman, usually with the best of intentions at first. Then a “trigger” sets things in the wrong direction and it’s a downward spiral from there. Now you’re being compared to the ex and it seems hopeless from that point on. I don’t think all are like this but when dating, some with this type of baggage are hard to reason with once they feel they’ve been slighted in a way that reminds them of their previous experience.

Why can’t we just clean the slate whenever we meet someone new? Give them the benefit of the doubt until they give us real reasons to doubt them? At least that’s what I try to do. I don’t claim to be perfect and yet I’m expected to be by the previously scorned individual. There are definitely some red flags that can’t be ignored and I’m mindful of what those are for me (and they may be different for everyone). I think what’s key is to notice the problematic behaviors and call them out, especially if you see a future with said person. Sometimes, it takes coming across people who will hold a mirror up to you and help you see what you can’t. We do and should do this for each other, especially when you care for someone. I extend the same grace I’d like to be given. However, it’s never fair to make anyone pay for the mistakes of the last one. It’s too emotionally draining and ultimately could cost you a really good thing.

What No One Tells You to Prioritize As You Get Older

It’s taken me a while to get back on here consistently. Mainly because life has been life-ing lately. I took an amazing trip to Portugal in December around the holidays and have been in this reflective state since I got back. I didn’t make any resolutions this time around, nor did I update my vision board like I normally do every year. I only vowed to leave as many bad habits in 2021 as I could. These last couple of years have been rough and I wanted to give myself some grace instead of adding pressure to fulfill another long list of goals. We’re all trying to keep our heads above water and that’s more than enough.

I wanted to delve into one of the topics that seems to be a common theme in many of the conversations I’ve been having with friends and colleagues: Specifically, many of the realizations and aspects of getting older I felt I wasn’t prepared for. I keep finding myself asking why didn’t my parents tell me to prioritize certain things. Here are some of the epiphanies and reminders I’ve been having as of late:

1) Just because you’re single and don’t have kids doesn’t mean you don’t need a living & last will and testament. Death is inevitable and grief can bring out the worst in those of us who are left behind. Leave a plan behind for how you want your affairs handled. I remember taking a class in high school in my “Church” class (went to an all girls private Catholic school, so religious studies were embedded in our studies). One of our projects was to plan our funeral and to write a will. It was so freaking eerie at first but I remember throwing myself into that project wholeheartedly. By that point, I had experienced my fair share of losses and had attended many funerals. I could remember certain aspects of those funerals that didn’t sit right with me. For that project, I had created a funeral program, picked out my favorite hymns, scriptures and a theme for the sermon. I even had it all timed to wrap up in an hour. I had to decide how I wanted to be buried, where I wanted to be buried, etc. I had also drafted a will (I didn’t have much then, so it wasn’t that long lol). I was probably 16 or 17 when I took that class and didn’t fully grasp how transformative that assignment would be. It made me realize that death could come at any moment and it’s never too early to prepare for what life and death may bring.

2) If you plan on having the traditional nuclear family (a couple and their dependent children), you should start thinking about this in your early twenties. My parents had stressed the importance of getting a college degree and securing a good-paying job, so I threw myself into my studies and was holding a full-time job while doing so because I didn’t want to be saddled with a crazy amount of student loan debt. This didn’t leave much time to date and my dad warned me not to let men distract me, so I became laser-focused on finishing school and landing a decent job. Not long after graduation, I bought my first place so then maintaining it and being able to afford the mortgage became my focus. I dated but never made marriage a priority in my 20’s, all the while I was getting mixed messages about its utility (my dad changed his tune to “love doesn’t pay the bills”). As I was entering my 30’s, my focus went from being able to support myself to thinking and worrying about who was going to care for my parents when they got older since none of my other siblings seemed give this much thought. So the paper chase ensued, putting the pursuit of marriage on the back burner yet again. Now that I am deep into my 30’s and finally giving building my own family and passing down legacy some serious thought (started to take this more seriously in my last long-term relationship but wasn’t with someone who valued that), it’s seems like I am now playing catch up. Some men purport that they can have kids much later in life but who wants to be running after toddlers in their 50’s? For us women, any pregnancy after 35 is considered “advanced maternal age” also known as “geriatric pregnancy”. There are many advancements such as IVF and surrogacy but the cost is astronomical and there are no guarantees. I mentioned the difficulties around child-bearing that a lot of women have to deal with as we get older to someone I was dating recently and he proposed a womb transplant. This is where we are. There’s at least one man out here who thinks there are extra wombs laying around, waiting to be claimed smh. Again, another one of those things I wish I knew and prioritized sooner.

3) Prioritize retirement planning earlier. So I started to take this more seriously in my late 20’s, thanks to a dear friend from my days working at McLean, who was a lot closer to retirement and gave me the best advice about how to invest in the employer-sponsored 403B. I should’ve been saving more aggressively starting at age 15 lol (when I had my first official job). I don’t see myself working past 65 but will have to save more aggressively here on out in order to ensure that I can maintain my lifestyle in retirement. Also, for many of us Gen X/Y/Z’ers, millennials and xennials, social security may not be an option for us to fall back on when it comes time for us to retire. We will have to diversify our portfolios with real estate, crypto currency, 401K/403Bs, stocks, etc. Thanks to my homie Michael for the gift of crypto and regular stock tips.

4) Dating gets harder the older you get. Know exactly what you’re looking for and be open. Plan for a marriage, not a wedding. As we get older, we get more set in our ways. The people we’re encountering on our journeys are also set in their ways, and carrying a ton of baggage to boot! The only way we’ll stand a chance out here in this new landscape (having to contend with perspectives from red pill, pink pill, manosphere, hypo/hypergamy and various other skewed view points), the only way any of us will survive these hunger games is to stand solid on what we want and need from our potential mates, having a realistic outlook on the lives we want to build while making sure we are bringing our best selves to the table. For my parents, finding love was important but what they prioritized was passing down legacy through family. Divorce isn’t an option for them because they see marriage as a duty, as a union joined together by God. I’ve always said that divorce isn’t an option for me either. I recognize that marriage is hard work and so I don’t take it lightly (probably why I’ve waited so long). I’ve never been the type to plan out what my dream wedding would look like. It’s the marriage I look forward to. Even the highs and the lows of it. Knowing you have your forever person to experience every minute of this life with is what excites me!

Reflections on My Last Serious Relationship

So random, but I was freeing up space on my iPhone since my storage is always filling up. I don’t have a ton of apps on there but realized that my music and voice notes were taking up a lot of space. As I was listening to and deleting my voice notes, I came across one I had recorded last year at 6am on October 4, 2020 where I was reflecting on my last serious relationship. I don’t go into great detail about all of the things that went wrong in that relationship but thought it would be interesting to share where I was emotionally and mentally at that time. You can listen to my thoughts here:

Insomnia Post

The downside to falling asleep early is waking up in the middle of the night, restless and feeling like I have to get up and be productive. It’s currently 2am and this is my second blog post this week, even though my aim was to post once a week. I’m not the best at winding down and part of the reason is that my mind is constantly racing with a running to do list. The new year is fast approaching and I’m starting to feel the pressure to end this year on a high note. I have some travel booked (another insomnia related impulsive decision made in the wee hours of the morning sometime last week). Been having this itch to get out of Philly and the states for a minute. I need to hit the reset button and the new year always brings a much needed fresh start. The new job is finally starting to pick up. Been doing a lot more recruiting and interviews, so starting to build that muscle again. My social life has been picking up too since the pandemic started, although I’m beginning to feel like I need to start saying “no” more. I’m back in FOMO mode which I’m sure is due to being on lockdown for so long. It finally hit me that I’ve been doing way too much when I fell asleep during a book club meeting in the middle of a really deep discussion, yikes! I need to dial it back some.

Can't Believe It's Been a Whole Year...

When I first started this blog, I had so many ideas. So many topics I couldn’t wait to delve into. Then a shift happened. Life was coming at me hella fast last year and I got to the point where I was overwhelmed. I had to press pause on some aspects of my life, which explains the long hiatus.

House Search

My home search finally came to an end. I was able to close on my dream home. The process took a lot out of me though. I had already made 3 offers on homes that fell through and was beginning to lose hope. I had gotten to a point where I was about to settle for anything that was at least move-in ready but I would get a nagging feeling that kept me from going all-in. Then I saw my home pop up on a long list of homes. I remember going to a slew of open houses and showings one Saturday and my home was the last one I had seen. I remember walking in and feeling at home instantly, like I was already living there. My realtor and I hadn’t even left the showing yet. I had her call the listing agent right away and put in an offer. That weekend dragged but when we finally heard from the listing agent, he informed us that there was a higher offer. He gave me the opportunity to counter—offer and I did. I went over asking but it felt right. I honestly think the sellers underpriced the home, which worked in my favor.

After a grueling month of going back and forth with the worst loan officer I’ve ever dealt with (I’ll follow-up with another post about the home buying process), I was able to close on time. I have now been in my home for a year and wake up every day finding something new that I love about it. We were all in the thick of the pandemic and I was motivated to find my oasis (in case we were never able to leave our homes again), and I believe I finally found that.

School

I am finally done! Still have to apply for graduation. I feel like I can finally reclaim my life back since I haven’t had much of one. The only perk of last year was that there was no where to go or events to go to, so I was able to hunker down and focus on school. The goal was to finish my graduate degree before turning 40 and I have reached that goal, thank God. What’s great is that I was able to leverage my education in my new role with my new employer (more about that later).

Job Search

I had been looking for a new gig for the past six months but only applied to one job because I didn’t want to send out dozens of applications for jobs I wasn’t excited about. No more lateral moves, I wanted a real promotion and to be challenged. The job I applied to was perfect, would build on my past work experience and recent degree. A few days after applying, I started the interviewing process. The offer came quickly and the onboarding process was seamless. My mom would always tell me that a “blessing is a sweat-less victory”. Seemed like the right doors were opening finally. Didn't have to fight to prove my worth and work 10 times as hard to get a fraction of the recognition. I’ve adopted the “leave when you’re no longer valued” motto to every aspect of my life. Not going to lie though, I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not because I am seeing signs of dysfunction at the new job but because I’ve grown used to the trial by fire and hazing process I’ve been subjected to in most of my jobs. Finally feeling like I’m living out my purpose.

Dating

Not sure how deep I want to get here (deep sigh)…but I want to, eventually get to the nitty gritty. Not because I am the type that likes to put my business out there. I see value in sharing experiences that others may relate to and can maybe help make sense of. It is really rough out here y’all. Meeting new people is great but the getting to know you phase can be a bit grueling. I wish I could skip this process and quickly get to the “love” part. That’s not realistic though and we have to properly vet each other. Make sure we’re aligned on who/where we are in life and where we are heading. There’s been so much potential but then it falls flat. I’d much prefer to curl up in a cocoon, hibernate and never leave my home but I’m not going to meet anyone that way. So I’m trying to do the work needed to get the results I want.

I was talking to someone recently who said that as we get older it becomes much harder to date. Mainly, because we are so set in our ways. I do see the truth in that. What makes it doubly difficult is the older we get, the more scars we have from past relationships that didn’t work. Everyone seems to have a laundry list of what they’re not going to put up with and that’s valid. Because of that though, many of us are putting up walls that shut out not just the bad but the good stuff too. The rise and popularity of red pill content in the YouTube space has only made it more difficult. There’s a lot of talk about who is considered “high value”. In my recent experiences I have found that those who truly display those qualities are quiet about them. It is their community that can deem them as such because of the fruit they produce. When I think high value, it’s not just monetary. I’m thinking more along the lines of “fruits of the spirit”: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

When I was in my 20’s, I feel like I took more risks when it came to finding love. I was more adventurous and even when I’d get my heart broken or was deeply disappointed, I was ready to get back out there and do it all over again. Nowadays, I am more gun shy. My most recent disappointment was several years ago and it took me so long to recover from that. I wanted to be fully healed and ready before taking the plunge again. The problem is, the minute I start to see what I deem to be similar signs of trouble, I am ready to run away or confront the issues head on (not always using the best approach, which isn’t always well-received). I definitely have an invisible list of things that I told myself I wanted in a relationship this time around but wonder sometimes if I’m doing myself a disservice by having certain expectations. We all bring ourselves to the table, baggage and all. Sometimes merging the lives of two complicated people seems like an uphill battle that may not always be worth it. I’m at least at the point where I’m giving everyone I meet some grace, hoping that I’ll get the same in return.

3 Weeks Later...

There I go, starting to slack again. At least I have good reasons though. So much has happened since I last wrote on here, so let me get you caught up.

The birth of my nephew: My older sister had a baby boy, Gianni (she’s infatuated with Italian names. Trying to convince her to at least give him an Afrocentric middle name to balance it out lol). Initially, I was hesitant to go home to see him but it had been 8 months since I saw my family and I was going through it. I figured it was a perfect excuse to go home. Lay eyes on my parents, hug my niece/nephews and God son, say what’s up to my siblings and closest cousin and break bread with my sister wives. Hopped in a rental car, loaded up on the proper PPE and went up to Boston. I did all of this in the span of 2.5 days. Wasn’t nearly enough time and darn near ran myself ragged but it was the trip I never thought my soul needed. It healed me, in a way, from some of the loneliness that I had been grappling with. Holding a newborn (had my mask on of course) will do that to you. Gave me the warm fuzzies I had been craving.

Applying and acceptance into a Master’s program: I’ve actually been taking grad classes since Fall of 2016, but enrolled in a grad certificate program in Fall of 2019. I had completed it this past March and was given the option to matriculate in the MS program. It made sense to apply since I only have 6 classes left to take in order to complete it. I can graduate next Spring if I take the full course load this Fall and next Spring, which I am planning to do. I was elated when I found out I got accepted, but the realization of the time commitment I’m making has sunk in, so I am preparing for that.

Returning to the office: So I’ve been working remotely since the pandemic started and have been able to do my job 100% from home. Felt like I was working harder at home than in the office. With our office building re-opening, we’re expected to go in at least once a week. The preparation for returning to the office was harder than I thought it would be. Still trying to re-adjust to being back even if it’s just for one day a week. On-boarding our new folks, the planning and execution of their orientation/virtual happy hour and making sure they were acclimated was a tad bit daunting but I’m thankful that it all went well. I survived the first official week back.

House-hunting and packing: I am officially over renting and decided not to renew my lease this Fall. I had started thinking about purchasing a home in Philly last December. I did some home-buying workshops and even secured a realtor. These last 6-7 months, I had been preparing to start the process by making sure my finances and credit were in order, researching the different neighborhoods I’d like to live in and setting a reasonable price range. This process has been grueling. It’s been almost a month since I started pounding the pavement to look at homes and I’ve already put in 3 offers. The last house I lost out on, the seller accepted another offer that was $16,000 over asking! I didn’t realize how cut throat the Philly market was becoming. I was hoping to secure something before classes start next week, but looks like I’m going to be juggling this search, school and work for a while.

One Week Later...

So I have successfully completed 7 days of my detox so far. Treated myself to a veggie burger patty with sauteed veggies. In addition to all of the herbs I’ve been taking, I make sure to consume enough veggie and fruit smoothies jam packed with seeds to get me through the days, along with cucumber detox water.

One emotion I’ve been feeling a lot of is gratitude. I’m super grateful for life, love, family, health, wisdom and provision. Last week, I felt compelled to reach out and show my gratitude for a colleague. He works on our IT team and I reached out to him for assistance with an issue I was having. He got back to me right away, set up a Zoom session and handled my issue with grace, patience and speed. I was stressing out a bit at first but he put me at ease. I expressed gratitude for his assistance and felt I needed to take it a step further.

The next day, I sent his boss an email letting her know how grateful I was and wanted her to know how much he’s helped me with our transition to working from home. Often times, we only tend to give negative feedback instead of compliments, particularly in the workplace. I vowed from that point on to reach out and give a kind word to the people I come across, mainly because we don’t know what battles people are fighting and sometimes all it takes is a kind loving word and gesture from someone to make you feel appreciated, loved, worthy and seen.

I think back to when I was growing up, those people who were integral in my life who provided mentor-ship, constructive feedback and just words of encouragement. I remember how their words made me feel even though they were so few and far between. I think in general we live in a very negative society. One that is full of broken folks who set out to either wreak havoc on others because they themselves are dealing with pain or find it difficult to say a kind thing to anyone for fear they may look weak.

There are days where I wish I had a kind word to get me through, especially during these times where a lot of us are alone and far away from loved ones. A lot of times, not having much contact, not so much as a hug to get them through the day. I am a true believer that you can speak both life and death into a person and I never want to be someone who says something to someone that pushes them over the edge.

Welcome!

Thanks for checking out my blog. Took me long enough to get it set up (again). It’s not my first time down this road. I had actually started a blog on Tumblr about 8-9 years ago. Demands on life made me inconsistent with it. It’s still up and running, although I don’t know how long Tumblr will be around.

Today makes it a little over 4 months since I’ve been on quarantine and working from home. I had all of these goals I wanted to accomplish, thinking I would have all the time in the world now that I’m home, but that hasn’t been the case. I’m giving myself another month to at least start some projects and taking the plunge with this blog.

I am preparing to start a 30 day raw vegan detox. I do it at least twice a year, usually to lose a little weight, get healthy, hit reset but most importantly to gain more clarity in life. When I’ve done this cleanse in the past, it’s made my meditations deeper, helped me build more discipline and has allowed me to be more laser focused. No distractions, not having to worry about living to eat for enjoyment, but allowing me to eat solely for sustenance. In the end, I hope to start on a path to more healthy and holistic living and would like to take you on my journey. There will be the occasional rants about life along the way. I hope you can relate and can walk away with something useful and helpful.