Can't Believe It's Been a Whole Year...

When I first started this blog, I had so many ideas. So many topics I couldn’t wait to delve into. Then a shift happened. Life was coming at me hella fast last year and I got to the point where I was overwhelmed. I had to press pause on some aspects of my life, which explains the long hiatus.

House Search

My home search finally came to an end. I was able to close on my dream home. The process took a lot out of me though. I had already made 3 offers on homes that fell through and was beginning to lose hope. I had gotten to a point where I was about to settle for anything that was at least move-in ready but I would get a nagging feeling that kept me from going all-in. Then I saw my home pop up on a long list of homes. I remember going to a slew of open houses and showings one Saturday and my home was the last one I had seen. I remember walking in and feeling at home instantly, like I was already living there. My realtor and I hadn’t even left the showing yet. I had her call the listing agent right away and put in an offer. That weekend dragged but when we finally heard from the listing agent, he informed us that there was a higher offer. He gave me the opportunity to counter—offer and I did. I went over asking but it felt right. I honestly think the sellers underpriced the home, which worked in my favor.

After a grueling month of going back and forth with the worst loan officer I’ve ever dealt with (I’ll follow-up with another post about the home buying process), I was able to close on time. I have now been in my home for a year and wake up every day finding something new that I love about it. We were all in the thick of the pandemic and I was motivated to find my oasis (in case we were never able to leave our homes again), and I believe I finally found that.

School

I am finally done! Still have to apply for graduation. I feel like I can finally reclaim my life back since I haven’t had much of one. The only perk of last year was that there was no where to go or events to go to, so I was able to hunker down and focus on school. The goal was to finish my graduate degree before turning 40 and I have reached that goal, thank God. What’s great is that I was able to leverage my education in my new role with my new employer (more about that later).

Job Search

I had been looking for a new gig for the past six months but only applied to one job because I didn’t want to send out dozens of applications for jobs I wasn’t excited about. No more lateral moves, I wanted a real promotion and to be challenged. The job I applied to was perfect, would build on my past work experience and recent degree. A few days after applying, I started the interviewing process. The offer came quickly and the onboarding process was seamless. My mom would always tell me that a “blessing is a sweat-less victory”. Seemed like the right doors were opening finally. Didn't have to fight to prove my worth and work 10 times as hard to get a fraction of the recognition. I’ve adopted the “leave when you’re no longer valued” motto to every aspect of my life. Not going to lie though, I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not because I am seeing signs of dysfunction at the new job but because I’ve grown used to the trial by fire and hazing process I’ve been subjected to in most of my jobs. Finally feeling like I’m living out my purpose.

Dating

Not sure how deep I want to get here (deep sigh)…but I want to, eventually get to the nitty gritty. Not because I am the type that likes to put my business out there. I see value in sharing experiences that others may relate to and can maybe help make sense of. It is really rough out here y’all. Meeting new people is great but the getting to know you phase can be a bit grueling. I wish I could skip this process and quickly get to the “love” part. That’s not realistic though and we have to properly vet each other. Make sure we’re aligned on who/where we are in life and where we are heading. There’s been so much potential but then it falls flat. I’d much prefer to curl up in a cocoon, hibernate and never leave my home but I’m not going to meet anyone that way. So I’m trying to do the work needed to get the results I want.

I was talking to someone recently who said that as we get older it becomes much harder to date. Mainly, because we are so set in our ways. I do see the truth in that. What makes it doubly difficult is the older we get, the more scars we have from past relationships that didn’t work. Everyone seems to have a laundry list of what they’re not going to put up with and that’s valid. Because of that though, many of us are putting up walls that shut out not just the bad but the good stuff too. The rise and popularity of red pill content in the YouTube space has only made it more difficult. There’s a lot of talk about who is considered “high value”. In my recent experiences I have found that those who truly display those qualities are quiet about them. It is their community that can deem them as such because of the fruit they produce. When I think high value, it’s not just monetary. I’m thinking more along the lines of “fruits of the spirit”: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

When I was in my 20’s, I feel like I took more risks when it came to finding love. I was more adventurous and even when I’d get my heart broken or was deeply disappointed, I was ready to get back out there and do it all over again. Nowadays, I am more gun shy. My most recent disappointment was several years ago and it took me so long to recover from that. I wanted to be fully healed and ready before taking the plunge again. The problem is, the minute I start to see what I deem to be similar signs of trouble, I am ready to run away or confront the issues head on (not always using the best approach, which isn’t always well-received). I definitely have an invisible list of things that I told myself I wanted in a relationship this time around but wonder sometimes if I’m doing myself a disservice by having certain expectations. We all bring ourselves to the table, baggage and all. Sometimes merging the lives of two complicated people seems like an uphill battle that may not always be worth it. I’m at least at the point where I’m giving everyone I meet some grace, hoping that I’ll get the same in return.