Knowing When to Opt-Out

No matter how much I prep beforehand for my drive back to my hometown, I always find myself running around ragged last minute to finish packing and tidying up my place. I hate returning to a home in disarray, so I told myself leaving in the afternoon would give me all the time I need to get things squared away. I’m on a meal plan my dietician put together for me, so I prepped most of the food and snacks I’ll be consuming during my trip ahead of time (I am allowed 1 cheat meal a week). Didn’t want to risk getting tempted by Chic-Fil-A and Popeye’s at the rest stops along the turnpike. When I weighed myself this morning, I was down 4 pounds in 4 days since I’ve been on this plan, so I’m determined not to let indulging in fast food on the road knock me off my square.

I didn’t make it to the gym this morning but with all the running up and down the steps in my home, I had already logged over 6,000 steps, close to my 10,000 step daily goal, before I hit the road. I wanted to ensure I had the proper fits for this short trip, so took extra time to pack a garment bag with my snazzy going out clothes. I had a quick bite, watered my plants, said a quick prayer for safety on my journey and made sure I had enough hydration to last the whole ride. After my long trek, hitting traffic in every state, I finally made it to my family’s home. It is also then that I realized I left all of my going out fits hanging on the back of my powder room door, 300 miles away. So I’m now tasked with finding some temporary duds for the weekend.

I’m in town mainly for my cousin’s baby shower. It’s also another opportunity to check on my parents and visit my mom, who still isn’t home yet (we got played yet again). Not only did I have to get physically ready for this visit, I had to prep mentally and emotionally as well. My last visit was too draining and I knew this time around, I wanted things to be different. Last week in therapy, I worked on a “stress thermometer”, which mainly revolved around work situations and how they escalate to an almost unbearable point. What I had noticed was that because I hadn’t left my personal strife at the door like I usually did (and instead, brought it to work with me), it was causing me to react to the work strife in a triggered sort of way. Things that would normally roll off of my shoulders, were getting to me. I had to find turning points in between when the stressors would start and when I would get to the point of wanting to walk away.

I needed to learn how to redirect certain energies. A lot of the stress was brought on by my reaction to certain stressors. I had to find a way not to internalize it and instead find solutions. I applied the same technique to my mental and emotional preparation for this week’s visit with the fam. I ended coming up with the same solutions for both, which were to intentionally block off time (mono-tasking), gage which priorities were most important and practice self-preservation. For work, even though multiple people are coming to me with issues that they all deem hold equal importance, it is up to me to reassess those priorities, manage their expectations, ensure I allot the right amount of time and energy to address each and communicate that. When things get too heavy or overwhelming, I’m giving myself the permission to disengage, even if it’s just for a moment.

As it relates to my family visit, I have realized that I don’t have to get involved in everything. I don’t have to be the point person to handle every familial issue. I don’t need a front row seat to anyone else’s drama, nor do I need an update on the mess that I may walk into. I can instead choose to opt-out of playing those roles. Normally, I would have my boxing gloves on hand (figuratively), ready to join the family strife, often playing the role of mediator and getting to the bottom of the issues. I showed up instead like a guest blowing through town, determined to enjoy my time home, without the tense and serious energy. Getting to plan the week’s events with my baby sis and capping that with a walk around the neighborhood for some fresh air, was all I needed for my first day. Every subsequent day will be filled with remote work, the mundane and check-ins with my peeps if and when time allows. Before I know it, I’ll be heading back home, so there’s no time to get involved in another family saga anyway.