Checking In

This was probably one of my first visits home I was looking forward to. Hadn’t felt that way in a really long time. Usually, I’d find myself dreading what awaits me when I arrive there. This time felt different and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that was. I tend to find myself packing and throwing things in bags last minute before a long journey home. I started to prep well in advance for it mentally, physically and emotionally. I hadn’t seen most of my peeps since June and July. Typically, I’m hitting folks up when I get there last minute, which can come off thoughtless. This time, I wanted to give them all a big ole bear hug and plan intentionally. This is my fifth day back in Philly since I returned from MA. Doing a temperature check and reflecting not just on my time away but on what’s to come this season.

Since my neice and nephew didn’t get to make it out my way this Summer, I planned on bringing the fun to them. I wasn’t entirely successful with that because of all the unknowns I was confronted with when I got there. Now that I’m toying with the idea of a possible return, I’m looking forward to making up for lost time in a series of mini trips back (planning a long weekend in October which will revolve around my cousin’s baby shower). I tried to take it easy this week, which was difficult because I had a slew of work engagements that I had to be “on” for, lots of recruiting to catch up on and contracts to complete. I still tried to be mindful of the energy I was taking in and putting out, taking my time to ease back into the the hectic flow of Philly life. I’ve had to say no to a lot of events this week. I attended the last Supper Sessions in my neighborhood for the season and signed up to volunteer at the end of it. It was my first time attending. I was looking to meet more local peeps, get involved in my community and explore the various vendors in the area. I plan to attend more community meetings and have been tapped to volunteer on the board of the organization that represents my district. Even though I’m contemplating a move out of state, it can’t hurt to get involved while I’m still here. I call it watering the plants where I am currently, for as long as I’m here. The next day, I went on a hike of my favorite trail. It was much needed and reignited my love for nature and mindfulness.

As I am typing this, I should be making my way to a wine festival in Jersey. It’s my favorite one in the area and they only have it once a year. When I woke up this morning, my body and mind said “no”. I’ve decided to take today to rest, do more reflection and organization. Taking today to do more internal inventory, while I tackle the external (overdue with my gardening). This is a good weekend to do it anyway, right before the start of Autumn. I had my first session with a new therapist this week and even though we focused on intake, hearing what our work together will entail has me excited for what’s to come. This is the first time that I am engaging with a counselor proactively. In the past, it was always in response to something I was experiencing. What I look forward to the most is the mental and physical well-being aspect of therapy. Since I’ve been on a health and fitness kick, I love that therapy will help guide that (down 13 pounds since the start of the Summer). So when I said no to the wine fest, I thought to myself “will attending help or hinder my health and wellness goals?” All of the self-work I’ve been doing would be hindered by spending a day drinking empty calories.

Fall is right around the corner and I already anticipate that I won’t get to see much of the outside since the crazy in me re-enrolled in accelerated courses for both sessions in the Fall semester! I think I am a glutton for punishment. I’ve been trying to hone in on my hobbies and feel that I need the formal education to help guide my steps in this process of discovery and exploration. I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement lately to pursue those hobbies more fervently, so alongside blogging, I’m seriously considering podding as well. I think back to my days working at Temple, one of our department’s IT specialists would pass on connects to voice actor classes and gigs (he moonlighted as a saxophonist with a local band). I remember him stopping by my desk every time he’d pop in to troubleshoot an issue for one of the staff in my area. He would stand over my desk and smile. I’d get embarrassed and asked what he was cheesing about and he’d say, “I just want to hear you speak”. Lately, I keep hearing from different folks that I have a lot to say and should explore the podding thing even more. Thus, hear I am, taking digital strategy courses this semester and the next.

As I sit here and type, I had another epiphany…"Am I becoming my dad?” He’s always been a jack of all trades. Constantly reinventing himself and learning new skills. In addition to being a real estate entrepreneur, he’s been an electrical engineer, an author, a radio show host, a photographer…the list goes on and on. I wonder if that’s a symptom of boredom. Unable to sit still and just be content with where you are in life. Constantly overloading ourselves then complaining that we carry all of these burdens on top of busy work lives. Another epiphany: maybe we do this because we’ve spent the better part of our lives pouring into others and helping others that we are trying to catch up and make sure we are fulfilled along the way, even if it means taking on too much. Just a thought.