The Art of the Unsolicited Peen Pic

I’ll start off by saying that a recent occurrence (a few months ago now) is what prompted this post. I had to get this off my chest. My hopes are that one day, some bloke will stumble across my post, learn a lesson and never make this mistake.

Let me get right into it: one week day morning, while I was responding to work emails and prepping for a staff meeting, I get an alert that I have a text message/image from this guy I hadn’t spoken too in a month of Sundays. In other words, it’s been a hot minute. We had only gone on one date, and never spoke to each other after. Not because the date was terrible but I think we both knew it just wasn’t a good fit. Dude was older, had several adult children and had recently lost his wife. He tried to convince me that he was ready to date again and marry but I thought it was too soon after her passing.

He was the type to constantly talk about his faith, he even said grace over our meal. We were in a trendy restaurant that turned into a club at night. With trap music blaring and a couple of women at the table next to us twerking, dropping it low and spreading it wide, he asked that we bow our heads in prayer. I’m all for a good blessing of a meal but the venue made it seem out of place. Who am I to judge? It was a nice gesture and I embraced it for what it was.

That night, he was gushing about how proud he was of his kids. He was a proud dad, an empty nester, who was ready to find love again and making plans for future dates. There was never a point where the conversation got inappropriate or sexual in nature. Even though we never connected after that, I chocked it up to it just wasn’t meant to be. So when I got the image he sent of himself nude, with his erect peen many months later via text, I was utterly perplexed and disgusted. I called him out on it and he replied that he sent to me by accident. Really? Most of us have a vast array of contacts saved in our phones. A lot of those contacts consist of former and current co-workers, family members and the like. The risk of you sending a pic like that to the wrong recipient is high and not worth the embarrassment you will experience. I sent a screenshot of the text to one of my friends and she insinuated that he was fishing, I guess to see if he could pique my interest if I saw what he was working with.

I was immediately transported back to some years prior to a group chat me and some female cousin’s had. One cousin had a gallery of peen pics. All different shades, shapes and sizes. I was fascinated. I would ask her “do they always send these to you, without you even asking for them”?! “Yup”, she replied. She continued, “I assume they want an audience, that’s why I share them with our group chat.” I used to joke that she sent me so many of the pics guys sent her, I could have them made into a collage for a quilt. After an incident at work when, I unsuspectingly opened one of her texts around co-workers, only to find an erect, veiny, wrinkled, engorged turkey neck filling my phone screen (almost dropped my phone in shock). I now wait to open any text messages from her in private.

Again, what two consenting adults decide to do in the confines of their relationship is none of my business. You’ll get no judgement from me. I guess I’m a little old school and a bit of a conspiracy theorist. I don’t believe that once a pic gets deleted from your phone that it’s gone forever. What if my phone gets hacked? Maybe one day I’ll decide to run for office. What if I took some nudes ages ago and they resurface? It’s not worth the risk. Once they are out there, I believe they’re out there forever and they’ll keep recirculating. I had missed a picnic with friends a few weeks ago. When pics of the event were shared in the group chat, I saw a picture of peen pic dude (didn’t realize we had friends in common). That would’ve made for a real awkward run in, especially after I told him off for sending me his peen before 9am on a weekday!!!! Men, don’t send peen pics unsolicited, and even when asked, think twice before sending. Never know who’s hands it’ll fall into.