So Hard To Say Goodbye

I got news today in the group chat that another friend has passed on. We were around the same age. As I look up at the collage of photos I put together of all of my friends over the years, I can’t help but notice the folks that are no longer here with us. The realization is like a gut punch. How is it that we’ve lost so many friends in the prime of their lives? Why are so many of us not making it past 50? Why is Cancer so prevalent in our community?

Last week, the interim president of my alma mater passed away suddenly. She was a little bit older but not known to have had any health complications prior. The first black woman president of the university, barely a year into her tenure but known as a staple at the institution for the past 40 years. Leaving a legacy behind that is unmatched. I still hadn’t completely processed her loss when I received today’s news. I know that death is a part of life but I can’t help but feel like it’s way too common these days. I know it’s the natural order of things but the fragility of life and its loss is still extremely unsettling. No one is ever prepared for it. My heart aches knowing that those who’ve left us probably had dreams that hadn’t been fully realized due to their time here being cut short.

My friend group in Philly has lost many friends these past few years. I still think back to the time when I met each and everyone of them. Their energies unique yet welcoming. Non-stop smiles and laughter whenever we were in their company. They brought joy to all of those around them. They cared deeply and they were deeply cared for. I’ve seen it in the responses and reactions to their passings, especially with our group’s loss today. Everyone coming together to show the family love and support. Everyone asking “how can I help” and being a source of strength.

I wish we all had more time with them. The pandemic robbed us in a way of those precious moments. We were isolated for so long and once we came out of that isolation, the social element didn’t fully rebound before the losses in our group started. We weren’t coming together as often. Grief compounds over time, especially when you’re being hit with new loss back to back. How do you recover? Sometimes it feels those left behind are living memorials of those who have left us.

What is beautiful though, even in the sadness, is the shift I’ve seen in the group over the years, especially amongst the men. I’ve seen them soften, become more loving and caring. They’ve show a rawness that is usually hidden and reserved for those closest to them. In the group, they are our strength. They’ve rallied together to assist in every way needed, giving good counsel, taking the lead and stepping up in a way that provides security and assurance that everything will be taken care of. It’s comforting.

Every loss is a constant reminder of our own mortality. A reminder that our time is limited on this earth and not to be wasted on trivial things. I vow to tell my loved ones how much I love them. I promise to live a full life and one that is God-centered. Striving to find all of the little joys for as long as I can.