And Just Like That...

Life goes on. The aftermath of the news from this past weekend continues to unfold. Monday was a weird day. It was business as usual except, despite the fact it was an “all-in” day for most. There should’ve been more chatter, should’ve been more commotion and energy in the air, considering we’re a little over a week away from holiday break. There was an eerie silence that washed over the campus instead. The commute in to work was dreary and chaotic, mostly due to the rain. By the time I parked, the rain had stopped and the sky had cleared. The sun was trying to peek it’s head out. Even through all of that, I saw it. The moment I stepped into the building. Mouths refrained from speaking but eyes were a window to a much deeper truth. People’s glances were screaming. They wanted to speak but instead hesitation seemed to take over. As I walked through the hallways, hushed tones emanating from offices and inaudible whispers filled the air.

Mondays are typically known as “open doors” galore days, with people floating in and out of each others offices but instead, most doors were closed. Those who would emerge from those offices wore blank stares and solemn looks. Instead of the usual smiles, I was met with uneasy glances. I had a leadership meeting and one of the presenters tried to lighten up the mood with innuendo and jest. Instead, they were met with stoicism and furrowed brows. No one was in a laughing mood. The discomfort was resounding. Tight-lipped half smirks and forehead creases were the standard expression throughout the day. I mostly stayed in my office, welcoming the occasional visitor here and there. Only a few dared having the conversation I was yearning to have. Again, behind my closed door in soft whispers. I wondered how long this will last.

Before the afternoon was over, several emails from the administration flooded in to my inbox, in rapid succession it seemed. The topic being a path forward for our organization. New interim leadership had already been named. From an HR perspective, this would be viewed as a great example of succession and transition planning because of how quickly the emergency plan fell into place. Although, due to the rapid nature of it, I highly doubt it was done over night. I can only imagine the number of calls into the wee hours of the night these past few weeks, hashing this plan out, getting buy-in and having to reach unanimous votes. Waiting at the ready for the right moment. I wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall for those discussions. I can only imagine how heated they were in the days leading up to the resignation.

Since I am also a student, the tones of the emails that went out to us were that of “don’t worry, everything is going to be alright”. I sure hope so. After surviving Y2K, a long arduous war abroad spanning decades, a whole pandemic turned endemic, ongoing social justice movements, many losses over the years and all the shifts, twists and turns of life, nothing surprises me anymore. In this case, there’s nothing new under the sun, just events taking different shapes and iterations. All I can do is to keep moving, continuing to grow and develop. Enjoying life and cultivating joy are the main goals. As we see play out day after day, life goes on. If you are gone today, you can be easily replaced tomorrow. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter all the good that you’ve done. There’s always someone else to refute all of it, make it appear like you had no significance. Even make it appear like you never existed. When you don’t control the narrative, they can say whatever they want about you. This is why we can’t dwell on how some people may view us. We have to keep going.

Of course, we may care what those that matter to us think, but other than that, what’s the point? I don’t know about anyone else, I myself am tired of the rat race. What is all this hard work for? Does it truly fulfill us? When I look to those I deeply respect and highly revere, I often ask are they happy and whether they feel they are truly living out their life’s purpose. I think sometimes I forget that I’m still on that journey. Often getting side-tracked by life life’ing. This recent series of events has reminded me to keep going and remember why I do what I do: legacy. What will I be remembered for? I don’t need my name up on billboards. I pray that God allows me to touch just a few hearts and that my impact is felt by a handful of people. I don’t think that’s asking for too much.

I finally took the leap and threw my hat in the ring for a few opportunities. The one thing they all have in common: they will give me the physical freedom I’ve been wanting for a while now. My dream of being a world citizen may soon be realized. I put my imposter syndrome aside (the topic of my most recent podcast episode) and stepped out on faith finally. No more fear dictating my steps. God has gotten me this far, so I can’t start doubting him now. The one opportunity that is at the top of that list of potential prospects would give me global reach. Something I’ve always been hesitant about going after. Well, I finally got on the radar of that global organization, and will get the opportunity to showcase my strengths. I’m a believer that what is meant for you will never miss you. I pray that God will see me through if it’s meant to be.

I was starting to get that feeling of being a big fish in a small pond again. It’s the affirming words of friends that have snapped me out of my cycle of doubting myself. These recent tumultuous events have been nothing short of inspiring. No more holding my breath and telling myself no. I want to live more fully so in order to do so, I have to jump. I have to go where I’m being lead, even when I don’t know the destination quite yet.