Holiday Rush

There’s a certain dichotomy that exists in me every time the Christmas/New Year’s holidays approach. I’m mostly excited for the much needed time away from work and my everyday demands. I look forward to time spent with friends and family. It’s the preparation to be in that space that is challenging. When I got back from visiting family for Thanksgiving, my invisible timer began counting down the days that I would be able to relish in time off again. As I’ve indicated in past posts, work seemed to ramp up instead of wind down. One would think that even this week would be a breeze, but that definitely has not been the case. I’ve had countless migraines this week, all due to the stresses of having to contend with the unrealistic last minute demands of other people who poorly planned.

I found myself thinking about a former colleague who had this phrase at the bottom of his email signature. Something along the lines of “your emergency does not constitute a crisis on my part”. I so wish I could adopt the same phrasing for my digital signature but there’s something off-putting about having such messaging attached to my name and brand. That’s not the lasting impression I want to leave people with when they are engaging with me on a daily basis. It’s giving negative affect and I’m a believer of cultivating and exuding the energy you want to receive. I say all that to say, some days I wish I could lead with that energy so folks would get that continuing to inconvenience me won’t bode well for our working relationship in the long run. You can’t mule folks around and then expect them to continue to show up for you in a full capacity.

Work has been grueling to say the least. As I am typing this, I have 4 offers pending that will need to get routed for various approvals. All due to folks waiting until the last minute. Come 2pm today, there will be no one around to do a thing with them since that’s when all of our operations will cease until we return in the New Year. I gave my spiels about what can realistically get done in the next 2 hours, which isn’t much considering so many people are already out of the office. I am almost down to the wire. It’s funny, as I’m being overloaded with more and more work, I get the fake concern and questions about why I didn’t decide to leave for my hometown earlier in the week? As I tilt my head to the side in astonishment at the hypocrisy, all I can do is chuckle at the constant disregard of my time. If we as a people could leave one thing behind in 2023, I’d love it to be all of the performative stuff: the fake sympathy, fake compassion, fake concern, fake well wishes, etc. All of the fake pleasantries need to get left behind. They’re doing us all a disservice and putting people in awkward situations. It’s the equivalent of someone asking you how your day was (knowing you’ve been having a go of it), you telling them it’s been crummy, you proceeding to tell them how and why and their response being a surprised “Oh”. The look on their faces showing discomfort or disinterest. Why even ask if you don’t really care to know? Was I supposed to give a surface-y response instead or a disingenuous reply? Let’s cut all of the insincerity out. We will be much better for it.

Getting back to having bittersweet feelings about the holidays. Another Christmas holiday without my person (deep sigh). It gets harder to contend with as I get older because Christmas isn’t Christmas like it used to be. It’s more for the kiddies. I miss creating and sharing traditions with a significant other. Even though there are 365 days in a year to show your people you love them, there’s something really special about Christmas. I’m not talking about the overly commercialization of it. It’s the warm and fuzzy vibes that the holiday brings. On the flip side, the world is also in shambles There are regions where people don’t get to take a break from their everyday chaos. That, too, also weighs heavily on me. It’s the combination of the state of the world, being single this time of year and Christmas with loved ones looking much different this year (mom still not home) that has it feeling not so merry and bright this time of year. I’m determined to make the best of all of it and to radiate as much love as possible.

I still haven’t done any shopping. Honestly, my heart hasn’t been in it. I’ll have to gift experiences and libations instead. I have a slew of holiday gatherings I want to attend, and I want to get my place in tip-top shape before I leave. Even though I plan on returning right before the New Year, I want to set myself up for success and don’t want to worry about having to do too much when I get back. I feel ill-prepared to go home, so I delayed my departure a couple of days and have decided to keep my visit with friends and family shorter than planned. I’ve been complaining that I haven’t had enough time for me, so this is me reclaiming some of my time. I’d like to relish in some real time off before the office starts calling me back again. I look forward to leaving work at work and catching up on my mindless entertainment and engaging in wonder.