Daydreams and Fleeting Thoughts

Almost every time, when I find myself in the middle of a stressful situation, or if I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, my thoughts drift elsewhere. Before I know it, I’m in another dimension, wishing I was anywhere but where I am currently. Usually, I’m thinking back to a time that I’ve already experienced and typically it is one that evokes warm and fuzzy feelings in me. The daydreams can take the form of reenactments of funny moments shared with others, remembering a kindness that someone has paid me, an experience I had while travelling or remembering times when I was loved on fully. They come in many forms, all of which are capable of pulling me away from the chaos of the present moment. I feel a smile spread across my face and then I’m reminded that this stressful moment I’m currently in will also come to an end, and so I shouldn’t get so worked up over it.

I often wonder, why is it that my response to a difficult episode is to escape to a previous joyous moment? Why can’t I find that solace in the present? The past has come and gone. Sometimes the people attached to those memories are also no longer around for those moments to be revisited together. It is bittersweet actually, especially when that realization hits. I could be sitting in a room full of people and my thoughts will drift off to a past memory. A co-worker or friend will see my smile and wonder what I’m thinking about. I usually respond that it’s nothing really, “just something funny I remembered”. Can good memories sustain us when it comes to coping with difficult situations? Those moments are fleeting. Especially when you have a warehouse of awful memories to accompany the good ones. You then realize that you still have the present to contend with. Nonetheless, I’ll take what I can get. Some relief is better than none, even if it’s temporary.

This is probably why I hardly hold anyone I “used to know” in contempt for things that had gone wrong, which resulted in us no longer being connected. As I’ve gotten older, I realize I don’t have room in my heart to carry any grudges. There’s something really freeing about that. How can one’s heart hold space for any new joys, when it’s filled with animosity and contempt for others? I’m constantly reminding myself that we’re all human and we are all capable of falling short. I am grateful for having the capacity to forgive myself for mistakes made and for extending that same grace to others. After all, when you have a reserve of awesome memories, how can you stay mad for long? New memories are constantly being made, replacing the not so pleasant ones. At least that is the case for me. I think the only downside is wondering what could’ve been. However, I try not to dwell on that either. Everything is as it should be.